The Kind of Woman I am And the Woman I’m Becoming

The older I become, the more I realize that I’m truly sculpting into the person I am supposed to be. I’ve escaped the stereotypes and have broken the mold of the person others wanted me to be. I am the double minority—a black woman. I have my own opinions and values. For the most part, I’m laid back, calm but very observant. Not too many things can ruffle my feathers, however very sensitive to the things and those I love. I continue to love deep, even in the mist of pain. I find joy of being a mother to inspire and to be inspired by my children. I’ve struggled with vulnerability due to the constant reminder of “being a strong woman”...something I achieved, but lacked the ability to express my emotions. There are moments I get lost in my thoughts way too often, and constantly dreaming of a better alternative to live, while being snapped back to the reality to remind myself I’ve done better. Now is the time to seek the best from within. Some things I’ve imagined my life to be and some things just kind of happened for me. I’ve consciously created a platform of alignment for my life. Pursuing dreams however living within my means. My education aligns with my career; my career aligns with my home; my home aligns with the vehicle I drive. It never made sense for me to live just ”ok” but drive a luxury car to only park it on the street next to the car that aligns with the “ok” living. My satisfactions lie within the environment I’ve created within my home, my sanctuary—not my vehicle.

The woman I want to be is kind, patient, open-hearted and loving. Being aware of the feelings of everyone around me, however being mindful of my own needs and boundaries. Becoming comfortable in my skin, my dark skin. Becoming confident in the decisions I make regardless how others feel or think. Becoming a woman that can connect with other women on a social platform where we can uplift each other. Becoming a woman who is unapologetic of my strengths and high standards (can be a blessing and a curse). Becoming that woman who‘s not afraid to be vulnerable, shed tears, and express my needs along with my desires.

The woman I am becoming is patient and trusts the timing of things as they unfold, organically. Becoming the woman to have those uncomfortable but needed conversations. The woman I’m becoming is enjoying the present, letting go of petty disputes and past hurts. Becoming the woman who isn't afraid to love in spite of my past—CAUTIOUS, but not afraid. Becoming a woman of doing the right thing, not necessarily easy. Becoming a woman of faith, connecting with the Universe as it aligns with my journey. I am becoming the woman I need to be, meanwhile protecting my privacy and peace.

“Been cheated on, lied to, left for someone else, dropped with no explanation and I’m still trying to love as if I’ve never been hurt”

—Unknown